take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
