i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
