Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
