So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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