sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
