ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
