I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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