Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
