is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
