Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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