This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
