I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
