If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
