Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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