they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
