The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
