plz talk dirty to me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
