giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
