they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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