$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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