I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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