Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
