I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
