Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
