I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
