do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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