Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
