omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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