Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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