Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
