i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
