See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
