Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
...so i touched it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
