Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
