no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
