We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
