Whod you bang
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
