there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
