you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
