i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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