my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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