But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
