I heard we made out
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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