pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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