i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
