Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
