Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
