I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
