people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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