O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize