i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
