i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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