Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
