Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
