clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
