Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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