I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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