Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How naked do you want me to be?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
