No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You took a bar mat shot.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
