You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
