I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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