I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
