i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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