I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
