Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize