its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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