i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i believe in u and ur pee
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
