I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize