I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
