Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
