dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
