i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How's work?
Spinning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
